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OPERATION:
LASERBLAST
As told by three men in white...
The Observers
Once upon
a time, all was calm and peaceful. Birds flew over head, roses bloomed,
and it was generally quiet. Well, ok, not much has changed other
than the prescience of a new and unpowerful force of inaction, OPERATION:
LASERBLAST. This unsightly group of one man, another man, and
a lemming sitting upon golden toilet bowls creates shrills of terror and
demented laughter through the labyrinth of cyber space. This is the
domain of Dr. Ottis Spunkmeyer and Dr. Fred Pumpernickel.
In their hidden basement of terror, they harass monkeys and sock puppets.
"How can
this be?" you ask inquisitively. Well, I'll tell you. The good
Doctor Spunkmeyer was a man of class, talent, and had a persistent case
of irritable bowel syndrome. His companion, the almost even tempered
Fred Pumpernickel, worked with him on his projects
to advance science where man had only dreamed it would go. The two
scientists were on the verge of inventing a new kind of slurpy machine,
that could change the 7-11 industry forever. Then, one night in the
last quarter of October, the two eminent doctors of impractical science
decided to have a night on the town. They wanted to celebrate their
achievements and upcoming success with the invention they were to unveil.
But then, something happened that would change the course of history forever.
Spunkmeyer
and Pumpernickel stumbled upon a party that they were not invited to.
But being the Nosey Nates that they are, they decided to attend in the
hopes that they might find a drunken date there. As they entered
the grounds of the party area, a cocktail waitress immediately handed them
drinks, but in a can. Little did they know what was in them.
They fun loving scientists slammed drink after drink, and Dr.
Spunkmeyer was very loose at this point! Well, as the night wore
on, none of the two picked up women and they passed out in a gutter, only
to wake up with terrible hangovers.
The next
night, when they awoke to work on their studies, did the effects of poorly
micro brewed beer become active. The doctors were working on the
secrets of fondue, when the nitrous oxide tank slowly began to leak.
Nobody knows why it was leaking or why they even had a nitrous tank, but
they did. When the nitrous combined with the volatile fondue and
the resulting gas was inhaled and mixed with the scientists' stomach contents,
did the terror begin.
They became
evil and their hair funked itself out. their lab coats turned blue
and they despised pudding. All of a sudden, they began to talk with
bad German accents, except for Pumpernickel, whose' accent went in and
out when it rains. The ripped off thier socks and made puppets
out of them to amuse the monkeys in their cages. And as such, they
evil laughed the night away. Now, they have a mega ray gun, obnoxious
gas equipment, and if the concept wasn't already in use, a man in space
would be watching really bad movies. And, so as you read this, the
catch phrase "Oh look! The Monkey do vhat ve tell heem!!!" rings
out from a damp laboratory.
FIN
