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A tribute to Mad Science.
as
We remember
Dr. Clayton Forrester
and
TV's Frank
As
an aspiring mad scientist, I cannot overlook the monumental look at the
work of Dr. Clayton Forrester and his co-hort, TV's Frank. His ground
breaking work in the field of pain underscores his accomplishments in aerospace
technology and obscure genetic research. What exactly is Forrester
a doctor of you ask? Ha! When will you learn! Mad scientists
don't have to be doctors of anything but Mad Science. Yes at TCI,
you can earn your degree in mad science or accounting.
At any rate, Forrester's
brilliance as a scientist (mad) brought him work at the Gizmonic
Institute only to be sent to the basement, much as I have been.
From
Deep 13, Forrester and henchman Frank, conjured up some of the most intriguing
experiments and inventions. For it is from Deep 13, they conjured
up a nasty scheme- send a man into space and make him watch really
bad movies until he cracks! Ingenious! To accent the touch
of pain, Forrester worked up such devices as Deep Hurting, Sand Storm,
Rock Climbing, and the infamous Hypno-helio-staticstasis. Forrester
liked kill TV's Frank from time to time as well.
Many of the inventions these two thought up are legendary. There's the Wish Squishier, the Breakfast Bazooka, Tank Tops (will fully functional turret), Unhappy Meals, The Square Master (for $39.95 or three payments of $49.95), The Cheese Phone, William Conrad Fridge Alert, Robotic Arm Wrestling, Chew toy guitars, and Johnny LongTorso (realistic Action Batch sold separately).
Dr. Forrester also perfected the double butt graft, fusing the butts of a dog and a cat together. He hired Torgo for a stretch and harnessed the power of Frank's heart to run appliances. Did I mention he killed Frank often? But alas, one day, he neglected Frank a little too much. The angel Torgo came to Frank, and he ascended into Second Banana Heaven, leaving Forrester alone and unloved. Forrester continued on with his experiments and enlisted the help of his mother, Pearl until he was finally evicted (I suspect audit). Poor Clayton. On the brink of having to move in with his mother, Dr. Clayton Forrester was paid a visit by a monolith and became a star child. Dr. Clayton Forrester will survive by his legend in the stars and on countless hours of VHS tape.
Thank
you Dr. Forrester. And thank you, TV's Frank, for making us laugh
in the face of, well, you guys!
